I Love You Always
by AllAboutTheAbbey
Summary: As Robert deals with anxiety associated with various events, he and Cora reflect on a pivotal moment in the first year of their marriage.


_My addition to the Christmas prompt fic. My prompt was Hot Cocoa and 'Special'. I found this prompt difficult but I hope I managed to produce something enjoyable to read. Thank you to Granthamfan for being my wonderful Beta._

The feather-light snow flakes swirled in the crisp winter air as the wind gave a gentle howl. It was the first snow of the season, and Robert sat gazing out the window from the upstairs sitting room. With the temperature dropping and a storm on the horizon, there were various estate matters pending. Tenants need to be visited and farms inspected. There were trees to be trimmed back, and the housing development to be checked on. Most importantly to Robert, the Della Francesca was due to be sold at auction next week. It was the responsibility of the Earl of Grantham to oversee and facilitate all of these duties. However, Robert Crawley had to sit idly by knowing he could be of no use today.

When the tightness in his chest and the pounding of his heart had started, he knew he couldn't hide it from Cora. They had begun several years ago, when he was told of Cora's lost fortune and the likelihood they would lose Downton. Robert and Cora had been relieved during that time to learn that the symptoms were brought on by stress and anxiety, and not an attack of his heart. With help from Dr. Clarkston and Cora, the attacks were manageable and seemed to cease once Matthew and Mary had become husband and wife. They would return periodically, such as during the time after Sybil's death. Always concerned, Cora would encourage him to rest and relax. Her presence and care always seemed to calm Robert and the understanding she would exhibit as she helped Robert talk through the heaviness that weighed on him, made his heart swell with love and gratitude. The presence of Simon Bricker in Robert and Cora's marriage a few months ago triggered another onset of the painful and frightening symptoms. Robert had never told Cora, but it was the reoccurrence of the anxiety attacks after realizing Bricker's desire and intentions for Cora, that had caused Robert to distance himself from Cora and keep to his dressing room.

Now that Robert and Cora had reconciled and were closer than they had been in months, Robert had begun to feel carefree and happy again. He and his beautiful wife had reclaimed the affection, love, and appreciation for one another that they had seemed to lose. Three beautiful and healthy grandchildren filled Downton with giggles and excitement. The estate was thriving once again. Robert felt a sense of contentment he hadn't felt in years, until 3 weeks ago. It was after discovering that Tom had planned to travel to America with Sibby that he began to notice the uncomfortable sensations in his chest again. The thoughts of being so far away from his only link to Sybil had devastated Robert. The realization that Simon Bricker would once again be a presence in their life as the Della Francesca was up for sell only increased Robert's anxiety. Visualizing that man in the same room as his Cora, after he had attempted to seduce her, created an anger in Robert the likes of which he hadn't experienced in years. Robert had thought some time away would help take his mind off of the potential storms brewing in his life, but the stress of travel only aided in more pronounced pain and shortness of breath, alerting Cora to his predicament. Now Robert had been sequestered to his and Cora's upstairs sitting room with strict orders from his wife to rest.

Robert couldn't fault Cora, not really. He knew that her concern was born out of great love for him. She had always taken exceptional care of him, since the day they were married. Robert knew that he should relish in her attention and the opportunity to have such an exquisite creature dote on him. But Robert couldn't help but allow those feelings of failure and uselessness that always seem to lie just beneath the surface to enter his mind.

The sound of the sitting room door slowly opening drew Robert from his sulking. A knowing grin formed on his lips. He knew from the moment he heard the click of the door opening that it was Cora. What was surprising to Robert was the realization that she carried with her two steaming mugs. As she sat beside Robert on the settee, Cora placed a soft kiss on Robert's cheek, and handed him one of the mugs.

"Robert," Cora began, looking at him tenderly with raised eyebrows. "Are you still sulking because you can't go frolicking about in the snow?" It was Cora's mirthful tone and the light dancing in her eyes that caused the melancholy Robert had felt earlier to melt away.

"Very amusing, darling," Robert replied with a chuckle, draping his arm around Cora. "You know very well that I can't stop thinking about all the things that need to be done around the estate. So yes; I am sulking because I can't 'frolic' about, as you put it, in the snow." Robert brought the mug to his nose and inhaled the sweet chocolaty aroma. "Mmmm, hot cocoa. This smells divine."

"I thought you could use a little something special & sweet to help brighten your mood," Cora replied with a smile. "I know sitting by while things around the estate need to be done is difficult for you, my darling. But I promise I have made sure everything is being seen to, so you have nothing to worry about."

"Sweetheart, you are all I need to brighten my mood. It is just that, well…. Cora it is my duty to take care of the estate and you. Not being able to do that makes me feel so useless." Robert confessed as he once again gazed out the window.

"Darling, you do take care of us and the estate. You take of us brilliantly. Because of that, sometimes you need to be taken care of and taking care of you is my duty. It is my duty and my joy." Cora's hand caressed Robert's cheek as she moved herself closer to him. "Now, drink your cocoa before it gets cold." Cora's warm breath tickled Robert's neck as she placed another soft kiss on his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder. "Besides, you know what I always say…"

"There isn't a worry that a good cup of coca can't ease" Robert finished Cora's sentence, his face visibly more relaxed. "If I remember correctly, I had to remind you of that once upon a time. Do you remember?"

"Of course I remember, Robert. That is one of my best memories from our first year together."

_1888_

_It had been seven months since Cora Levinson had become Cora Crawley. Her courtship, engagement, and wedding had been a whirlwind of balls, dinners, and dress fittings. Most 19 year old girls would be frightened to leave their country, their family, and the only life they had ever known, to move to a foreign land and marry a man whose love was not for his bride, but for her fortune. Cora was not most girls, though. She had fallen madly in love with the young man in question and when he looked at her, everything else melted away. Cora knew Robert didn't love her, but he was kind and gentle. In her new role as a Viscountess, Cora did her best to acclimate to her new life and shred her American way of thinking. As her first Christmas as Robert's wife quickly approached, Cora's fear of failure and disappointing Robert, began to weigh heavily on her. _

_Cora had taking to spending her afternoons in the upstairs sitting room, needing a respite from hearing about the plans and events leading up to Christmas. A week prior Cora had discovered, quite by accident, that Millicent Wentworth was at the top of the guest list for the Downton Christmas ball. While Cora had never been introduced to Miss Wentworth, she was well aware that Miss Wentworth was originally destined to be Millicent Crawly. It was the reality of being face to face with Violet's choice for Robert's wife that made the fear of being seen a disappointment overwhelm Cora. She wondered if all her shortcomings as a Viscountess and a proper English wife would be exceedingly obvious next to Miss Wentworth. _

_It was as Cora sat contemplating the look of regret she could imagine on Robert's face that Cora was made aware of her husband's presence. Robert was normally tending to estate business in the afternoon hours. His presence next to her both surprised and concerned her. Perhaps Robert wanted to discuss the upcoming Christmas ball. Violet was adamant that Miss Wentworth should have been Robert's wife. Cora couldn't help but wonder if Robert felt the same. It was her fortune of course that caused Robert to choose Cora over Miss Wentworth. Did Robert have feelings for Miss Wentworth? Was her upcoming visit to Downton too much of a temptation for Robert to resist? The thought of Robert desiring and seeking out another woman for physical intimacy plagued Cora's thoughts. It was with an overwhelming sense of dread that Cora sat waiting for Robert to speak._

_"There you are, Cora. I have been looking for you. I wondered if we might speak about the upcoming holidays." _

_"Here it comes," thought Cora. "I haven't pleased him, and he wants someone else". Cora braced herself for what was to come, avoiding eye contact with her handsome young husband._

_Robert sat down on the settee next to Cora. "Cora, are you alright? I…I brought you something." Robert said proudly as he handed Cora a warm mug." _

_Cora moved her eyes from Robert's outstretched arm to his soft blue eyes. There was a smile fixed upon his face and his voice held a tone of tenderness that Cora rarely heard. She carefully took the steaming mug and raised it to her lips. The aroma filled her senses as the frothy liquid passed through her lips. Cora's eyes closed as she savored the thick, chocolaty liquid. "Mmmm" Cora hummed in delight._

_"Do you like it?" Robert asked hopefully. "I hope Ms. Gilmyrth made it correctly."_

_"Oh Robert, it is delicious. I haven't had hot cocoa in so long. I didn't think that…" Cora stopped before she finished the sentence._

_"You didn't think you would ever have it again?" Robert asked quietly. _

_"I….I didn't think it was very English" Cora replied, embarrassment tinging her voice._

_"I will admit that it is not something we normally have here at Downton, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it. I don't want you to feel like you have to give up the things you love just because you chose to marry me and live here." Robert said, reaching his hand out to lift Cora's chin. "I know you have been a bit gloomy lately and being away from your family on Christmas must be quite sad."_

_"No…I mean…yes, not seeing my parents on Christmas is a bit sad, but if I were with them then I wouldn't be with you and I wouldn't want to be anywhere without you." Cora said timidly._

_"Nor would I want to be without you. I…that is….Well, it is our first Christmas as husband and wife, and I would like it to be special for you…for both of us." Robert's hand moved to cover Cora's._

_"You would? You do?" Cora asked confused. "I thought you would want to…" Cora stopped herself before she spoke her fears aloud._

_"You thought that I would want to do what?" Robert questioned._

_"Never mind, it isn't important." Cora breathed a sigh of relief. Smiling, Cora took another sip of her cocoa. "Do you like it, Robert? I know it isn't English tea, but how do you think it tastes?"_

_"It is quite good." Robert replied as the warm liquid coated his taste buds. "I understand why you like it, especially when you need cheering up."_

_"How did you know?" Cora asked, unable to hide the surprise in her voice._

_"Your father told me." Robert replied taking another sip from his mug. "I noticed that you hadn't quite been yourself lately and I wanted to make you happy. I telegrammed and asked him how I might do that. He write to tell me that a cup of hot cocoa always made you feel better. 'There wasn't a worry that a cup of cocoa couldn't ease' he said to be exact. He even sent the recipe that your cook in America used. I thought it might make you feel less homesick."_

_A tear escaped from Cora's piercing blue eyes. "Robert, you sweet man. I am so very lucky to have such a kind husband." Cora said. Desiring nothing more than to show Robert how much she loved him, Cora placed her and Robert's mugs on the table and placed her hands on either side of Robert's face. As she took Robert's lips between her own, she melted her body against his. Robert instantly tightened his arms around Cora's waist as the kiss deepened. There had always been a strong physical connection between them, but the past couple of months all Cora needed to do was look at him and he wanted her. This kiss had taken him by surprise but the heat and passion was unmistakable. When the need for air became too great, Cora pulled back. _

_"You deserve someone so much better than me." Cora breathed, resting her forehead against Robert's, unable to hold back the tears threatening to spill. _

_"Cora, what are you talking about" Robert questioned, still recovering from Cora's spontaneous kiss and his desire to take her right then and there._

_"Robert you are so kind and so good. You deserve a wife who is English and proper, not someone who is destined to embarrass you. Your mother is right, you should have married Miss Wentworth." The tears were flowing freely down Cora's soft face as she stood and walked to the window. _

_Utterly confused, Robert let out a frustrated sigh and walked to stand beside Cora. "Miss Wentworth…Millicent Wentworth? I most assuredly would NOT be better off married to that hag. She is rude, snobbish, and most unattractive. What would ever make you think I would desire to be married to HER?" Robert inquired, slowly turning Cora until she was facing him._

_"Your mother said that Miss Wentworth was set to marry you before you needed my money. When I saw that she was on the guest list for the Christmas Ball, I assumed that you were taking the opportunity to…" Cora looked away, unable to say the words._

_"You assumed that I had arranged for her to come?" Robert tone was soft and tender._

_"Yes" Cora admitted, wiping the tears from her cheek._

_"Oh, Cora. I could never…would never do anything like that to you. It is true that Mamma would have liked me to marry Miss Wentworth, as she is the niece of Mamma's close friend. But I can promise you that there was no desire on my part to be joined in such a union. Mamma only brings it up because she is cross that she was not consulted in my choice of brides." Cora could see the truth in Robert's words as he placed his hands on either side of her face. "Sweetheart, you were my choice and if I had it to do again you will still be my choice. My darling there is no one better for me than you." Before Cora could respond, Robert's lips had captured Cora's in an attempt to relay in feeling what he couldn't articulate in words. _

_The kiss that was meant to reassure Cora quickly became one of need. Robert, needing to show Cora just how much he loved her and Cora needing to feel the depth of Robert's affections for her. In a haze of lust and love, Robert lifted Cora as if she weighed nothing and carried her to the settee. Robert sat in the spot Cora inhabited earlier and positioned her so that she was straddling him, face to face. Cora was overwhelmed by the intensity in Robert's eyes and they stared at one another, gasping for air. Robert's eyes roamed over Cora's magnolia skin. He studied each curve as if seeing her for the first time. The delicate bridge of her nose, the pout of her perfect lips, the crystal blue of her enchanting eyes. This was it, the moment that romantic poets wrote about. Robert was dumbstruck at the realization. Cora, his sweet and beautiful Cora, was perfection._

_ There was so much that Robert wanted to express to Cora. Never in his life had he been unable to form a sentence. For the first time in his life, Robert let it go…he let go of the propriety, the rules, the expectations, and he just felt. As the tips of Robert's fingers traced over Cora's soft jawline and lips, he had the incredible need to taste her…to consume her. She was everything to him. Cora was everything he had ever needed but never knew existed. Robert's lips traced the trail previously marked by his fingers. He became lost in the feeling of her kisses, in the feeling of her. Time stood still as lips caressed, hands roamed, and their bodies united. Not a word was spoken as the entirety of Robert and Cora's love was expressed through heated gazes and blissful ecstasy. _

_Heartbeats returned to normal and their labored breathing eased. Cora and Robert sat, bodies still intertwined, her head resting in the crook of his neck. He held to her as if she might disappear from his lap at any moment. "Cora" Robert breathed her name like a prayer. "I am nothing without you. I love you …always" He whispered into her hair._

_Cora's smile was felt against the rough skin of Robert's neck. "I love you too, Robert, always."_

_Cora would look back on that day years later and know that if there was one perfect moment in her young life, it would be that day. That was the day that Cora and Robert became husband and wife. It was that day, just before Christmas that they had become united in life, and not just on paper._

Thirty four years later, Robert and Cora found themselves perched on the same settee in the upstairs sitting room, resting against each other, drinking hot cocoa, and watching the falling snow.

"You told me that day that if you had to choose all over again, you would still choose me" Cora reminisced timidly. "I hope that still rings true."

Putting both his and Cora's mugs on the table, Robert turned to fully view his wife. "Of course, it is still true. How can you even question it?"

"Our life hasn't been easy, Robert. We have always come up against resistance because of my nationality and our love. We have buried two children, a son-in-law, and have endured the flaws of a quickly changing world. I often wonder if things would have been easier for you had you chosen someone else." Cora replied with an uncertainty & honesty that shook Robert to the core.

"My love, I would have never made it through the past 34 years had you not been here beside me. You are right in that we have had to live through some heart breaking things, but I couldn't have lived through it at all without you, my darling. As difficult as the dark times were, it was worth it to experience the tremendous joys and the love that you have given me. I can't imagine facing a single day without you, Cora."

Cora pulled Robert into her embrace. "Oh Robert, I can't imagine facing a day without you, either. I am so terrified that one day you will be gone and I will be left to live our life alone, especially now that you are under so much stress." Robert pulled out of the embrace as he could feel Cora's tears on his neck.

Robert's hand was gentle as it pushed a stray lock of hair from Cora's face. "I am sorry to cause you worry or tears, my love. I am sorry that I didn't come talk to you when the anxiety attacks started again. You always make me feel better, but it causes me pain to worry you."

Cora leaned forward to place a tender kiss on Robert's lips, her soft palms cupping his cheeks. "My darling, I would much rather be worried than alone. Trust me enough to let me shoulder some of the burden. You once told me that you were nothing without me. The same is true for me, my love. I am nothing without you."

The storms threatening to blow in Cora and Robert's life didn't disappear that day. Tom continued to plan for his departure for America and Simon Bricker still arrived to facilitate the auction for the Della Francesca. But that day, just before Christmas, watching the snow swirl about, Robert was reminded that when two turn to one they can weather the storms much better. There may still be damage and pieces to be picked up, but after it is over the foundation is much stronger, making the next storm easier to withstand.


End file.
